C-Phae (cphae) wrote,
C-Phae
cphae

Carcinogenic Beauty

I had almost forgotten that I have cancer… I have been running my body into the ground the past few weeks by forgoing sleep and staying up all hours dancing and whatnot. It hit me yesterday on the ride home that I cannot do this anymore. I need to slow things down a little but I am reluctant to do so. I forgot what it was like to be this happy. I don’t remember the last time I felt this way. As I lay in the hospital this morning being prepped by too many nurses and my anesthesiologist I couldn’t help but laugh a little. I feel as though I have been living a double life and in some odd way that pleases me. Currently my mind is still fuzzy from the anesthesia. I feel tired and dizzy. I teach tomorrow morning and then start my first night tending bar at Glam. I am looking forward to that. I hope my body doesn’t let me down. Wednesday is the Sadisco* freak lab photo shoot with two of the most talented photographers I know. I am bringing all the film I have from my various tests and hope to incorporate those into my shoot. I am carcinogenic beauty. Too bad I couldn’t have Joi and Justin there this morning. I kept thinking that would have made a great picture. With the IV and all the tubes in my nose and mouth. That was my last thought before the anesthesia kicked in. So I will leave you with the same one now.
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